The New Triumvirate: Chaiwaala, Shehzaada and Nayak

Disclaimer: The following article might piss you off to the point of murder or it might make you wanna do fancy things to me. Either ways, I don’t really care. Amen. Also, some ‘facts’ stated below might be debatable. Again, I don’t really care.

Alright, fine! I will throw  my hat into the ring and write about the current political scene in India( like you haven’t had enough of those already! No, seriously. How jobless should you be to be reading another one of these?! Sigh). Since the Delhi Assembly Poll, every metaphor has been exhausted, every analogy wrung out to compare the three contending parties in the race for the satta.

So, one side, we have Baby Gandhi. Initially, I used to just pity that guy: ‘Haye bechaara! Usko toh lollipop chahiye thi, mummy ne de di rajgaddi!’ But after sometime, the whole bechara thing fades and you start thinking about Congress and the whole Nehru-Gandhi dynamics. Turns out, they have absolutely destroyed the country! If Nehru had kept his ego aside and his penis in his pants( He was banging Mountbatten’s wife), then the partition would have never happened. Mohandas Gandhi pleaded Nehru to let Jinnah become the first Prime Minister of the country as long as the partition stayed averted. But, Nehru Ji was this slimy son of a bitch and gave India the bloodiest civil war as he gave his speech in his Nehru Jacket that went for laundry to Switzerland. I mean, that man was confused. He was talking about welfare states and socialism and what the fuck not, and at the same time he could not let go of his elitist non sense! He gave us the China war- a Himalayan Blunder. He did not let Patel be Prime Minister which was again fucked up! Sardar Patel would have been just the thing India needed, but we got a children hating old man whose birthday is now called ‘Children’s Day’. That’s like naming Ajmal Kasab’s birthday ‘Mumbai Diwas’. Also, Nehru fucked us over when called for a plebiscite in Kashmir- this is where the problem of Kashmir started. Now, that’s just Nehru. Let’s look at his Scorpion daughter- Indira Gandhi. First up, she was NOT related to Mohandas Gandhi. For all you know, she married Feroze Gandhi just for the surname! Nehru was against the marriage of Feroze Gandhi and Indira Priyadarshini Nehru. Why? Because Feroze Gandhi was half Parsi, half Muslim. There died the secularism of the nation! After the ’71 war, she was the shizz in Indian Politics- The Only Man In The Cabinet. But, as the whole Nehru-Gandhi Family tradition goes, she fucked up there too. She’d 91,000 Pakistani soldiers after they surrendered. 91,000. That’s a lotta POWs and she could have ended the whole Kashmir issue right there, but NO! Instead of making LOC an international border, she fucked up so J.P Datta could make a movie on it! I mean, woman wtf! And of course, the Emergency. The daughter of a man who supposedly established democracy in the country did everything in her hand to destroy it! Her son Sanjay- previously known as Sanjeev- was a douche bag! He was the Sonny Corleone of this mafia and what happens to Sonny? He dies! Post Operation Blue Star and the assassination of Indira, Michael had to step in. The reluctant younger son who was just happy banging his Italian wife (Man! Another Godfather connection!) was forced to lead the force. The death of Indira brought the Sikh riots and when Rajeev was questioned about it he said: when a big tree falls, the ground shakes. Collateral fucking damage. He was talking like he was  right out of 'A Few Good Men'. A political party that was on the receiving end of Jallianwala Bagh started its own to avenge the death of a woman who almost destroyed our limping democracy. Then, the Bofors scandal and all that and then, he was assassinated.

Someone has been very naughty!

So, leaving aside the fact that Rahul Gandhi is an absolute idiot. Leaving aside the fact that he made a fool of himself in front of Arnab Goswami. Leaving aside the fact that he has no clear cut idea of how he intends to make India a better nation. Leaving aside the fact that Rahul Gandhi shadily resembles Omar Abdullah- leaving ALL that aside, we still have a man belonging to a dynasty that practically sucked our nation dry of everything that made us India. From his great granddad to his father, that family has strived to fuck our nation right in the ass. So, sure. Vote for him. Give that family another shot at raping Bharath Mata.

Okay. Arvind Kejriwal. This is what I think about him- Meh. He showed promise and then decided to go all ‘V for Vendetta’ on the government. Welfare States have always failed. Why do you think Europe is so fucked up? Everytime you give away freebies like Kejriwal is, you are just giving less incentive for people to work! He is clueless and possibly a reincarnation of Muhammed Bin Tuglaq.

Now. Modi. You have to admit it, that guy makes sense. You watch him give speeches, and you are moved by it. The 2014 mandate will give him all the power he needs and if he fucks up too, we are in deep shit peeps. Sure, there is 2002, but there was ’84 too! Narendra Modi realized one simple thing: People want to be happy. Money makes people happy. Development bring money. Ergo development bring happiness. It’s that simple. I have cousins all over Gujarat and they are as happy as pigs in mud. He does need to make a few changes here and there. Like his take on Article 377 and he should realize that people wouldn't be voting for BJP, they’d be voting for him. I am not gonna waste time with this: Modi is the only way to go. The other choices are Tuglaq and an Omar Abdullah doppleganger- All the best with that.

Hail Namo!

It’s strange. It took on Gujarati to give us freedom, took another to establish it and will take another to get it back. We have to choose between a child, an anarchist and a possible extremist and in all likelihood we will pick the extremist. Come to think of it, so did Germany in 1933. Go figure.